


A song of reminiscence

by lostanny



Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: Angst, Drama, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, Gen, M/M, Neutral End, Sick Character, Spoilers, takes place after the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27941243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostanny/pseuds/lostanny
Summary: Oz would want an answer that Elliot wouldn't want to give. It doesn't mean they wouldn't find another that would fit their needs.It didn't have to matter in the end.
Relationships: Alice/Gilbert Nightray, Elliot Nightray/Oz Vessalius
Kudos: 3
Collections: Pandora Hearts Reverse Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There's an art that inspired me to do this fic made by Akuroitenshi! (You can check it here: https://twitter.com/Akuroitenshi/status/1336028496896946181?s=19) :)
> 
> This collab is for the Pandora Hearts Reverse Bang 2020! (You can check it here: https://twitter.com/PHReverseBang)
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! :)

In comparison to that all the crudeness the world was so proud to be, some things kept unstained or at least tried to remain as it should be. There still exist people like Elliot that were so much more gentle than their position could let them act. They lived, and they could change the hearts of the people. And, with that, the world would have a little more bright than it had in the beginning, or they would only give that small piece of light back? 

If the conditions were the right ones and the gods of destiny were merciful and bored enough with the state of things, maybe it would end with so much less blood spilled. But Elliot never was lucky since he gave his first breath. It wasn't different in his last. He hit the bottom of the state of grace he was. His friends could only grieve, and as his family, he was dead. 

He couldn't hate what he was supposed to, couldn't resign with what was told by them. And before Elliot could change something that could matter, like he was aiming to, he had already died and had already killed. He was breathing lies where he wasn't expecting. A miserable end, a lamentable flower that withered one more time, and they couldn't turn back. 

Only sensations could remain, extreme helplessness and a burning sensation in his chest mixed with a strange comfort. "Ah, but he wouldn't be one more reason for that person regret to be alive." Elliot would think to some blond boy that he didn't remember to have ever met before. 

It was so strange. 

The fragments of dreams that managed to appear on the surface of his conscience was so close to reality. Elliot would wake up pale, sweating cold, his heart loud in his ears. Pain, difficulty to breathe, sometimes it was because of the dream, sometimes it was his body condition. Or maybe it would be both sometimes. Since Elliot was born, he didn't have a healthy body, and sometimes that happened. Like something was squeezing his heart. 

He wasn't feeling well that day. He thought that going out to get some fresh air would be enough. It didn't seem so terrible at first, but it was getting worst. He would need to see his doctor again. 

Elliot was changing medicine again and again, and it didn't seem to improve anything in the slightest. Probably he would need to face some facts he didn't want soon.

"But would I ever be needed in a world like this? It would really matter?"

Some thoughts invade his mind, and he decided that it was enough. He needed some distraction. 

But how?

It was like he would collapse on the ground at any moment. His vision wasn't clear. Blackness seemed to engulf everything more the time passed. 

But he would put himself straight. He only could show weakness when he was alone. 

Or they would see him that way all again, and nothing beyond that. 

It would be so annoying.

"Elliot!"

He heard a voice that surprised him because of the loudness. Elliot would have to be dreaming again. It was almost like it. He even seemed to be dying like then. But the difference was that the boy had his arms around Elliot's body and would share his warmness so directly. 

It was him. Someone that he didn't know but was always there when he was most suffering. Even if he was still feeling his chest burning a little, he seemed he could lie to himself enough to fake his real condition, only to manage to put that boy away from him.

Then he could get his demise into oblivion.

It seemed so right that it didn't even appear it was him. Something seemed wrong.

"... Let go now!"

His voice seemed more irritated and afraid that he wanted. He couldn't run from that. His chest was hurting so much. If he could release that pain, he could even cry. Nothing seemed enough at that moment. 

"Who are you?" He said, but it was to himself more than anything.

He wanted to run from his body. But if he wouldn't feel safe even there, what would remain? He wasn't feeling the arms of the boy holding him anymore, and it was like he wanted. But then he felt someone around him again, and he couldn't do anything about it. 

His mouth was forming and saying words. Elliot was answering someone, but he didn't understand what it would be in the end. It wasn't only the boy there. 

Some other man also was with him. From where these people were coming? A bad feeling, and it seemed to be contradicting what he felt inside. So he held himself on to that sensation even if it weren't enough to get himself conscious.


	2. Chapter 2

All of them have to be there by his side when Elliot needed them the most. It was the only thing they could do. 

They were friends, after all!

(Oz was feeling his heart pounding really loud in his chest, and he knew his body was trying to make him remember something. That should had been the better course to choose at the moment.)

The irritation of the first time they met seemed to have decreased in Elliot. And it was really something when they entered his house without his conscious permission that day. But for their defense, he seemed really unwell that time! 

However, he still seemed to get frustrated when Oz would interact with him with familiarity when they barely knew about each other. 

But if Oz would act different, he would have nothing. That act was his guarantee everything would be fine one day. He only needed to remember everything, and something would stay in its place.

A place to belong, for that he would even hurt and lie if needed. He was desperate enough to be mean. 

But if he wanted to get close to that Elliot, he needed to agree with him with the matters he needed to. At least for the moment. That was the plan, but well, he ended up thinking it was fun upset that person for some reason. More than anything, his thoughts would be confusing when they interact. So Oz would act not like he had planned to do at all. 

Some light, some warmness he could not explain. It was his feelings, or it was his old self interfering? He did not care. So one more day passed as Oz said to Elliot with a smile:

"But of course, where are my matters, Elliot? My name is Oz!" Oz would say to Elliot when the other boy still insisted that they did not meet before. 

"So annoying, if you will be saying lies, put some effort!"

"I am not saying! Because we know each other, Elliot! You only don't remember it yet."

"Of course, of course. Now go away! You are too close! We are done here!" Elliot would say with his cheeks stained with red, and it would disorient Oz even more. 

It was a beautiful color of red. 

At the same time, it made him nauseous. 

"He was still alive. You don't need to be afraid." Some voice seemed to resound in his mind, and it felt so familiar and strange. He felt like he would vomit at any moment. 

Elliot seemed to sense something was off. And also seemed to really dislike Oz's expression at that moment, so he took Oz's hands in his own and repeated, in a way more serious:

"You are too close." 

Then he put them some distance between them. Their hands were still close, but they weren't intertwined by Elliot's. Oz looked at it and remembered the warmness of that touch, and couldn't look away after it. It was really embarrassing to notice. 

Elliot also appeared to be thinking of it and something else. 

That moment was interrupted when they heard Gil's voice as he was entering the room. 

"Are you two still going with that?" Gilbert would say, thinking they still were arguing, near Alice that was with an empty plate in her hands. 

It should have been a pile of cookies on that plate, but at that time, the girl had already eaten everything, which would make Elliot more irritated than before. 

Somehow it got animated in the last weeks of Elliot's home. Oz was distracted by his confusion with what he should be doing and what he was doing, so he ended up missing Elliot's slight smile he did after the day was near the end. 

But both Gilbert and Alice didn't miss it, and it made them think. The circumstances surrounding Elliot were, in fact, strange. Maybe it would be wiser to call that person, even knowing that it could bring unnecessary pain.


	3. Chapter 3

Would it be awful that Oz wanted to be remembered by someone that would be gone soon? More and more, he got himself thinking about it and knowing how unfair he was being. However, whatever he was willing to admit or not, the feeling was getting shape inside his body like a flower that didn't have any place to go, as he also was. 

He couldn't help himself. Elliot fascinated him so much, like a beautiful spectral of someone that already was gone, a ray of light that would give him the dreams that he craved to turn reality. 

That hurt. 

What was he thinking? And what was he doing? He was breaking into little pieces the lasting time they have together because he couldn't give up his wish. He would felt his body cold at times like this like some real ghost was trying to possess him. Worried, he asked Gilbert for advice, and when he thought it would have been a bad idea, Oz finally met that person. 

"My pleasure," Leo extended his hand for them shook hands. 

With Gilbert, Alice, and even Elliot, he could fool with his act if he tried hard enough but not with him. Like Oz was doing at that moment, it seemed Leo tried to trick himself before with things he didn't want to face, so he knew all too well about that. 

"He will be continuing to get worst until he remembered everything, so you should think about the role you should be playing in it all." It was Leo's only warning as he returned to his duties after meeting them that day.

A shiver in his spine like a long time he wouldn't felt. It was the question Oz was trying to answer himself since the day he was born. 

He remembered since he was a little kid, he was always looking for something. Like something inside himself was incompleted, hollow. And knowing that "he" made a promise to someone one day, like that man Vincent told him, was the escape he needed to bury those thoughts deep inside his mind. 

Everything would be fine if he followed the script. Alice would pretend that she didn't know half the things she knew, he would pretend that he had bonds that didn't have, Gilbert would pretend that he still could accomplish his promise to people that were already gone. Then, they would be the friends that they were supposed to be. It was a good plan in the beginning.

But they were wrong, weren't they?

They wouldn't give credit to what Elliot would say, but they knew deep inside. The cracks were showing in the mask, more and more, day by day. And Elliot was dying even faster because of them. It was only little what Oz could do, but he made a decision. 

If he could meet Elliot again one more time, Oz would -

(It would matter?) 

(In another place not too far from there, they also were thinking. But it would matter? For who? For when?)

"... Alice!"

Gilbert would casually call her name, and sometimes it would be easy. But in other moments, he could see her smiling, and it wasn't her but a memory of his. 

The motive he could live for so long was because he was so attached to those two. He was beginning to lose hope when Vincent managed to make them meet. And somehow, Gilbert mistook everything again. 

Living on behalf of memories was something he thought he had already surpassed when he chose to be by Oz's side in the past. But Oz and that girl were already gone. And it was the way to reach the peace that they all fight for it. So it shouldn't be regretted by anyone. Some comfort was given to them all, knowing they would have a way to meet again. 

But that was a fragile hope and with that a fragile happiness. 

Alice wasn't that girl. Oz isn't the person he sworn to be by his side. Even when they put effort, Gilbert knew that would reach the time for them to drop the act. Elliot was right about them, not knowing each other well. 

It was frightening that maybe they would have a different relationship, an awkward one when it happened. Alice continued to smile at him for some time. Then she gave up and started laughing. Apparently, without knowing, he had a funny face while he was thinking all of that. 

Alice was an incredible girl before, and when she reborn, it was something that didn't change. She hid all and well, everything about the world that she knew because Alice didn't want to show what was different. Like Oz, she didn't have a place to belong, so held her old memories like it was her most precious belongings, which would make her whole. 

They were all happy hiding that truth. But, little by little, Gilbert noticed. It was clear for anyone that wanted to know. Time was running out, and the masks were cracking all at once. 

Time was running out, and what were they genuinely living? It was so confusing. Alice was the first of them to admit it, so she was only waiting now, waiting for them, her friends, to be ready. 

Alice was waiting for him and Oz. She had a hand extended, even when she also was afraid. It took too long for him to notice everything. He wanted their connection to be a place for every single one of them to belong, even if something would inevitably change. He would have to make a new promise for those two. 

Gilbert wanted to see her smile, not like the photography of his memories. But like she wanted, with all her heart. So a new chapter in their story would begin.


	4. Chapter 4

Reminiscence, something felt warm, and it's blood. A cycle of life and death, and without them managing to do anything, life would wither again. That is the cruelness of the world. But why would Elliot smile then? What would it matter in the end? For the world, he was something left behind, a boy that had an obscured identity because of a label of sickness. 

It always upset him so much. It was like since he was born, he was already dead. People's eyes, if they managed to look at him, were so pitiful. He was alone and was like a glass that could break into little pieces at any moment, a mere burden to carry. 

Because of it, he couldn't really understand. He was really surprised by their sad expressions. It was true that, in the beginning, he could sense something strange with that care. He did even wanted them to never interact with him again. They weren't so different from the people that weren't looking at him at all. 

He didn't know what changed. If it was them, or it was himself. Was it they both after crossed paths? He didn't want to die, but it was a fact he couldn't ignore. 

Deep inside, he was already resigned by that fate. More and more, more and more, it was like a numb feeling spreading inside him like he was playing a melody. He didn't care and found out it was his own voice and not the one who passed that was feeling like it. It was more reassuring. He had a wish to grant, though.

With all the things he had to see on the surface of his conscience, in all that images of someone really similar to him, there was something he hadn't agree with it. And if he could do something to mend that, he would do it without complaints. 

He was feeling more numb than ever as each day passed. That day he couldn't even get out of bed. The images were mixing before his eyes even when he tried to stay focused. It seemed he had a hole where it should be his chest. 

Elliot tried to get up once more. And that time, he managed to do it better than before, then he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

At first, he thought it would be Oz as it had been in the last days, but at that time, he didn't recognize the face of the person near him. But Elliot felt like to continue and saying:

"I have something to say that he wouldn't be able to do before."

His breath was heavy. The person that was supporting Elliot before didn't stop him at that time. Only give a little push to help him stand up.

After that, Leo only smiled at him sadly as Elliot went away. 

(It wouldn't matter to anyone)

(But it didn't stop his steps)

(Reminiscence)

(There weren't flames, but he was feeling like his heart would burn to ashes. Still, he wouldn't cry. Maybe, more than ever, he understood that person similar to him in his dreams.)

(But he wouldn't apologize.)

"Elliot!"

A song of reminiscence. Oz would call him, and he would hug him like the first time they meet each other. Like that time, blackness was surrounding his vision as he would sleep at any moment. 

But, different than that time, he didn't mind showing his weakness since the warmness was there all the same. 

Elliot felt like laughing. Why wouldn't he? But Oz probably wouldn't understand anything that was passing at his mind at that moment, would he? Those three were who managed to find him beyond everything else, beyond his sickness, his stubbornness. It wasn't different at that time. 

"Thank you for looking at me," Elliot said with the best smile he could. 

Oz intertwined their hands. He didn't say anything back, only looked at him, looked at him. 

Then he returned Elliot's smile, with tears menacing to went out his eyes. "Yes. We also thank you."

They wouldn't make promises. 

But it took too much to see that as a last goodbye. 

So they didn't say that. 

However, even if it never would be the same, all of them had a connection that wouldn't be broken by anything, even death. 

Before, they would see that as salvation or as a curse. It would be like a solution or a bother, but it always was a whisper of a melody that would show a path they could follow if they wanted. 

They would be able to take the path to meet him again. But, at that moment, it would be closed. Like that, his life withered once more. The death was whispering and whispering until it could rob all the warmness left.

He only appeared to be sleeping. 

(Oz stayed there for some time yet, until Gilbert and Alice went there to take them.)

(They didn't say anything when they saw Elliot's body in Oz's arms.) 

("He thanked us for looking at him. I wonder if we really deserved it, but he was smiling.")

("We'll have to believe him." Gilbert said, with an understanding and sad expression, messing with his hair)

("Like we would dare to do differently." Oz said with a little laugh)


End file.
